My grip is slipping, someone must have greased my fingers whilst I slept as my slight grasp on sanity is sliding away.
Either that or I have become the latest victim of school holidayitis.
I looked up the symptoms on google earlier. Apparently the signs to watch for are loss of patience, increase in temperature of the blood (almost to boiling point I’m told) sporadic bursts of temper followed by occasional bouts of yelling. Other side effects of this disease can include arguments with spouse over mundane matters, an un kept house and an almost obsessive addiction to going to the park.
To be fair in my part of the world this illness is spreading like an epidemic. I saw a mother close to tears in Tescos as she tried to do the weekly shop with three under ten year olds. It was obvious she had a severe case as her blood was visually boiling and her temper was out of control.
The parks are full of parents who are wondering around shouting randomly. I advise anyone who is not yet displaying symptoms of school holidayitis to stay the hell away from anywhere that has swings and slides; with the exception of public house beer gardens. It seems that for some reason the air surrounding these recreational play areas remains un contaminated.
I fear I have infected he who helped create them as well; either that or his patience has been copping off with my patience and they have legged it to Gretna Green together.
I spoke to the doctor, he can offer no cure, apparently it can take up to six weeks to shake off the ailment and it will probably get worse before it gets better. Ibruprofen and paracetamol are powerless in the face of school holidayitis.
Lock your doors, seal your windows, stay inside and pray for our swift recovery.
Keep us in your thoughts…